I had sex with my little sister
My sister, who is three years my junior, has had sex. I, however, have not. She was always the one with a boyfriend, the one with more experience and the one who my extended family liked to interrogate about her dating life after attempting to interrogate me with poorI think they realized her romantic life was more exciting.
This rarely bothered me. I knew my time would come and I knew that I would have my fair share of romantic endeavors.
That was until I realized that, among my group of friends from high school, college and beyond, I had become the last fish in the barrel. That is to say, I am the only one who has yet to have sex. I was no longer the cool, collected, secure-in-herself older sister I had always been. It gave me anxiety to feel like the last one, to feel like all of my friends had lapped me in the proverbial race that represented how I saw romance.
So much of our society is predicated on the prowess of coming in first no pun intended.
‘i was eight when my brother started coming into my room’
We are constantly compared to, ranked among and analyzed alongside one another. We reduce romance to this arbitrary end resultand lose any ability to enjoy our experiences in the process.
I came to realize that whether or not I had had sex meant nothing. You can absolutely be proud of something that your friend might find completely embarrassing or regrettable.
You can be proud of something I might seem to denounce in this piece. An orchid, a rose and other singular flowers I am not capable of identifying with my limited botanical experience came up. They all had this one thing in common—they are pictured alone.
This struck me as slightly ominous at first, and perhaps if I had a different understanding of virginity, that meaning would have resonated with me most. So, at first, I was perplexed.
My younger sister had sex before i did
But then I realized that this was the exact point I was trying to make. Not younger sisters, friends nor society at large.
I know that this topic may seem tired. This is a reminder that, in the world of romance, in my experience anyway, we often forget to put ourselves first. We forget that, like Cristina Yang sayswe are the sun. We have to set our individual standards straight so that, when the time comes to have sex or to evaluate how we feel about having sex, we are comfortable with the terms, with ourselves and with how we feel.
Only then can we be remotely comfortable with whoever else is involved. When I first sat down to write this, I wanted to effectively preach my position about how virginity is meaningless. And I still believe that—virginity is a concept that was made up to make women feel bad about themselves.
‘i’ve been sleeping with my girlfriend’s sister. i need help. what do i do?’
To slut shame, in effect. I hope your first time is special if you want it to be! I know people at all positions on the spectrum.
Just them. If they feel good, that is all that matters. So have sex with all of the people you want, or wait for Mr. Just remember that the power is in your hands, and that, though the power that societal standards possess may seem immutable, no one has the right or the ability to decide how you feel except for you.
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